You will never be happy…
Happiness is a construct.
I have a friend who wants to do medicine. When I asked her why, she said “because medicine will give my life meaning”.
Most of us make decisions based on our perception of the future. We want to shape tomorrow in the most desirable way. Most of our actions are future-oriented. We think about the future when making decisions. It’s a way to give yourself the impression that what you are doing today has a purpose.
Going to the gym serves a purpose. Studying 5 hours a day serves a purpose. Reading books serves a purpose. These are good things, but the problem is the reason behind why we do them.
My friend, like most people, views the future as something better. The future has something you lack today. And this very idea is the problem.
By wanting more you inherently declare that you have less. By wanting meaning in your life, you inherently declare that your life is meaningless. By going to the gym because you want to be sexier you inherently declare that you aren’t sexy.
Chasing this made-up construct of something better is the source of all our problems, because the irony is that things are never better. Better doesn’t exist. It’s like this, the more you chase meaning, the less meaning you have. The more you chase happiness, the more upset you are.
The journey to happiness is like running on a never-ending treadmill. You will never reach the destination, because the destination doesn’t exist. But much of what we do is an attempt to be happy. You might be starting to see the deeply flawed nature of this, and may be thinking the title of this article isn’t silly after all.
Mark Manson presents a solution to this paradox in ‘Everything is F*cked – a book about hope’. He argues that the solution is to change our approach altogether. Our culture promotes wanting more, he argues we must start wanting less.
We view life as a series of transactions. If I work 12 hours everyday, I’ll get that promotion. If I hangout with my friends 7 days a week, they’ll start liking me. It’s just one transaction after the other. One bargain after the other. And that’s where the crux of the problem lies.
We will never be happy, if happiness is viewed as something that can be bargained for. The transactional approach to life is the immature way of living. It works, but sooner or later it will collapse.
Mark Manson argued that we must adopt ‘adult’ values (note: ironically, most adults do not actually possess adult values). This is an approach that views life unconditionally. The viewpoint that ‘I don’t need to change something to be happy because I AM happy’.
Don’t work 12 hours because that will make you rich. Work 12 hours because it’s what you’re passionate about. Immediately, happiness isn’t a distant concept. It’s a reality.
Happiness is a construct of the mind. It’s what we choose to feel, and it’s what we choose to chase. Happiness is purely objective. And the way our mind is wired, it’s something we view as a distant object. As something we will achieve in the future. The unfortunate reality of life though, is that the more you want something, the less you have it.
The takeaway is to live life unconditionally. If you chase happiness, you aren’t happy. And you never will be. Your actions should be affirmations of your values. Not of some made up construct you aspire to achieve.
